She's Having A Baby

POINT -

Well, I'm fixin' to have myself a redneck little'un. Yep, I's gonna have myself a rugrat runnin' round the trailer, a fixin' to git itself into all sorts a troubles.

I reckon I gots to be payin' attention to makin' sure it don't git itself killed or nuthin' when playin' in the barn or with the livestock in the pen back in the back there. Course, it may toughin' him up a bit so that he can play football with the other feller's boys.

Don't it just beat all?! I gonna be a pappy! Sure 'nough had to happen some 'ventually. I guess it's nice a thinkin 'bout havin' me a tyke to take to Nascar or out to the boat show. Heck, if its a boy I just might have a new huntin' buddy. Yep, I reckon I'm darn proud. And I'm gonna make sure this kid gets hisself educated for sure. Might even show up his pappy and graduate up from the 5th grade. Boy, I sure is gonna be proud!

I can't wait to get this kid out on its first tractor pull!

COUNTER POINT -

It would seem that I will soon acquire the incomparable task of fatherhood. I equate the task to that of Atlas' struggle, with the weight of the world upon his shoulders.

Perhaps I will begin the life of my offspring with an inspiring introduction to some of the greater classical works of music and literature. While it is perhaps true that the infantile mind is not equipped to appreciate the finer subtleties of the arts, surely the early exposure will inspire a surfacing of talent so surely inherent within the genetic structure of this child.

I long for the days of choral performances, theatre training, and soft melodies played on woodwinds. We will rest easily on the terrace of the summer cottage as our child entertains.

Of course, I would not discount the academic pursuits that a child of this caliber would, no doubt, endeavor. The finest prepatory schools would most easily progress toward academic excellence a the finest ivy league programs. I have no doubt that I will raise a Rhodes Scholar.

Yes, I am sure you would agree that I will soon be a proud father.